Monday, October 24, 2011

No Church 4 a while

Religion is a sensitive topic. People feel strongly about their beliefs, their interpretation of the afterlife and what it means to be righteous. In the urban community church takes on a different meaning. Church symbolizes an escape, a place where one can release the burden of the "worldly life" and interact with other church members. The older generation of the church attempts to set a good example by appearing cordially to each other. With handshakes, hugs and prayers, the surface of church life seems to be appealing.  Dig deeper and shit is not sweet. To a youth this institution can apply pressure in the way they view themselves. A young church member can feel overwhelmed by the obligation to the church along with the desire to act accordingly. Equally important to this youngster is the desire to be free as a result of them approaching adulthood. They want to explore the larger world, some maybe smoking weed, drinking liquor or having sex. None of which is truly wrong, however, it is frowned upon in the church. Imagine getting up in the middle of service saying "last night I got high, received oral sex and still made it church on time. Amen, Hallelujah!!!"  The pressures placed upon these youths usually go unspoken or ignored by adults who's only position is church and more church. I was a youngster involved in church and got turned off to the environment gradually. I spent 20 something years in the church before I broke away. Participating in mothers and fathers day programs, doing the sound system, attending revivals and missing sports match up. As I got older church became a job to me, not something I enjoyed. The two times in my life where I would get undressed with blazing speed were prior to having sex or when I came home from church. Even with all these feelings, I still had to bring my ass to church cause my folks said so and I had no valid reason not to. All that change with a pastor that shall go nameless, he came in guns blazing, preaching that extra holy shit, changing the way things were ran. For years there were grumblings about his leadership style, I remember numerous arguments inside the church but pastor still held his ground. Then things began to crumble. Eavesdropping on many of my pops convos with other church members, things started to be revealed. Pastor was taking money and fucking bitches. SMH (no disrespect, just stating facts). After learning this I felt deceived like Jesus did with Judas. I wasted numerous Sunday listening to a fraud. What made things worst, I was 19, just formulating my views of the world, so all my rage was ready to let out. I just became detached from my religious side, I questioned everything I came across, I read up on different religions and had no respect for any pastor. I said Fuck It, and became the captain of my own soul. So the message from me is DO YOU FOR YOU, GOD WILL UNDERSTAND!!!!!

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